Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me by Anna Mehler Paperny

This book: Demystifies suicide – no, asking someone if they are considering suicide does not cause someone who isnt suicidal to suddenly become so Offers some protective measures – loved ones, curiosity, procrastination Discusses various treatment options – pharmacological treatment of mental disorders has all the precision of surgery conducted with a chainsaw Outlines some studies and research Highlights the additional barriers to getting treatment if youre not white or youre poor or from a remote community or a child or Indigenous or from a culture that shames seeking mental health treatment or, heaven forbid, any combination of these – We fail the most marginalized at every level, then wonder why they worsen and Provides insights into depression and suicide through stories of people whove experienced them up close and personal. Given the prevalence of depression, its likely to have touched your life in some way, either personally or through someone you love.

While some of the information contained in this book is specific to Canada and/or America, overall theres something for pretty much everyone. I am keenly aware that this is a luxury someone experiencing chronic depression and/or suicidal ideation do not have. I was able to binge watch some TV to effectively switch the channels in my brain for a while for some respite. I think Id be more concerned if reading a book like this didnt have any impact on me, though. Its difficult to sit and think about depression and suicide for any extended period of time and I did find my mood changing as I read, especially the early sections where the author recounts her entry point into a labyrinthine psychiatric care system via the trapdoor of botched self-obliteration. I found myself cycling between wondering how wise it was to be describing the methods used in so much detail because it could potentially be read as instructions in the wrong/right hands and admonishing myself for wanting to control the narrative because people who live with suicidal ideation are already silenced in so many ways.

In trying to explain the contents of this book I couldnt go past this quote: Its an uncomfortably personal exploration of a sickeningly common illness no one likes talking about, one that remains under-treated and poorly treated and grossly inequitably treated in part because of our own squeamishness in confronting it or our own denial of its existence as an illness and the destruction it wreaks when left to its own devices.

This book is part memoir and part journalistic investigation, with a fair amount of acknowledged subjectivity based on the authors experiences with depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and various treatments.

Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me by Anna Mehler Paperny